Reflecting on 2019…
I remember when this year was just beginning, looking forward and wondering what it would hold. I knew about, and tried to prepare my heart for some of it; but there was a certain point where everything in front of me was more or less uncharted territory with no game plan, road map, or user’s manual.
I remember finding this quote on Pinterest, and feeling it perfectly fitting as I began a new journal with the new year:
“Isn’t it mysterious to begin a new journal… I can run my fingers through the fresh clean pages but I cannot guess what the writing on them will be.” ~Maud Hart Lovelace
For the last few years now, toward the end of December I have looked back through my journal and my planner to remember what has happened and changed over the course of the last twelve months, and I will make a list of all the new things I tried, things that changed for the better or worse, places/activities/products I discovered- really anything that happened during the year, as well as any expected milestones.
I want to share with you some of what is on my list for 2019 and then expand on the events that I feel were the most significant (this list is in no particular order).
As I wandered through my notebook for this year, it’s crazy to think that just months ago, none of the words I had written existed. And now they do, and they tell a sort of story of my year- a year of many changes, new skills, and new opportunities.
In 2019:
-I graduated college
-Joey was stationed in Japan
-Started keto
-Matthew moved in with us
-Found a new church home
-Rode in a horse show (and wore chaps); learned to lope
-Started a garden; started composting
-Began using a menstrual cup (read about that here)
-Learned to make bread from scratch
-Updated my blog format; got 300+ views on a post
-Learned to knit socks
-Babysat our Senator’s kids
-Read through the entire Bible
-Took my first road trip with my bestie
-Teaching myself to enjoy coffee
-Started using a clothesline
This is not a complete list, because some things are personal and some things wouldn’t mean anything to you if you aren’t involved in my day-to-day.
But isn’t it amazing all the things that occur through the year that we forget about, or don’t recognize as significant, until we reflect back and write them down?
I know that until I make this list, I don’t realize all the things I have done through the year, and it never fails to remind me that even on the days I feel unproductive and lazy, over time it’s the small tasks and habits that really make a difference and put you on a path to accomplishing bigger things. Making my yearly reflection list is something I look forward to each December.
The first big change for this year was my little brother, who is a Marine, being stationed in Okinawa, Japan- for the next three years. Yikes. This was a hard pill to swallow, even though it means a lot of cool adventures for him.
Even though he’d been training in California for about a year already, and that is far away, that’s a different kind of far away than Japan. I can honestly say that since he has arrived there, these months have been some of the slowest since he has been in bootcamp; but overall since he was sworn-in, the time has somehow slipped by- he’s been in for two years already. It truly blows my mind.
It’s been hard knowing he’s so far away, but God is good, and it’s times like this when I am so thankful for the technology that allows us to stay in touch. Hopefully soon we will get to see him. That would be a crazy cool thing for 2020, wouldn’t it?
The thing I was most ready for this year was graduating college in May!! Phew, I am glad to be finished (but also low-key super sad to not be in school with everyone else). The day of graduation couldn’t have been better- the weather was beautiful, I had the first ceremony out of three that would occur that day, I was able to sit with friends during the ceremony, went out to lunch with my family afterward, and had a nice get-together that evening at our house with some friends and neighbors. It was way more fun and relaxed than high school graduation was, which I really appreciated because there was just so much build-up to that day and it was slightly nerve-wracking.
Since graduating, I have been taking some time off and catching my breath- I decided that I needed to rest and enjoy this season of having no academic responsibilities for the first time in my life- there will be a post up within the month giving y’all a bit of a life update regarding this.
I really enjoyed my summer- I spent my mornings tending my very first garden, and learned how to bake bread from scratch. I read through at least a dozen library books, learned how to knit socks, did some personal research on a number of different topics that I’ve been curious about… I really just embraced the free time to enjoy slow and intentional activities that nurtured my heart. From the outside looking in, some might think that I wasn’t doing a whole lot of anything. But I am proud to say I did not waste much time this summer, as I learned many new things and implemented activities/hobbies that were good for the soul. This summer was like a small-scale version of my life goals, where I lived my best old-soul, grandma life.
During the summer, due to some unexpected changes with his living situation, my older brother moved-in with me and my mom temporarily. This has been an interesting adjustment- nice having him with us, but also the Lord’s clever way of revealing some areas in my own heart that I need to work on. It’s interesting to see how family dynamics change when you’re sharing space again after a few years of not.
Even with all of these things though, the one change that came in 2019 that was the most unexpected, I think, was the Lord prompting us to find a new church home.
At our previous church, we would participate in a three week period of fasting and prayer each August. This year, I was seeking the Lord regarding personal clarity and guidance, as well as in some breakthrough through prayers for friends and family; I didn’t have anything specific on my radar or in my expectations going in.
Then, the Lord put it on my heart- and separately on my mom’s heart, which we felt was His way of confirming for us that this was His idea and something that required obedience, rather than some passing thought that just crossed our minds- that we needed to leave our church. This seemed ironic, that He would use this church’s fast to tell us we needed to leave. There were some issues He was bringing our attention to within the church that we felt convicted about, and believed were significant enough to warrant finding a new church home.
This was a very hard realization to make. Because weeks before this, everything was cool and none of this was on our radar at all. Then BAM. Didn’t even get to say goodbye. Because we left, and began visiting other churches almost immediately, as we felt that drawing it out and “making the transition easier” by slowly removing ourselves would not only be partial obedience, but delayed obedience- which, is in fact, disobedience. Because if God is calling you to something now, doing it later is not actually doing what He asked in the first place- i.e., disobeying.
Another way we were confident it was the Lord leading us to this was the very fact that the thought of leaving was so so hard. I cried a lot in the weeks between leaving our previous church and finding our current church. Leaving a church you’d attended for four years, and been moderately involved in, is a hard, uncomfortable, and scary thing to do. Because it’s literally like, “okay God, you have to let us know when we’ve found the right place because there’s a thousand options out there and we’ve never had to go through this ‘church shopping’ process before” – basically symbolic of my entire life/attitude since graduating, let’s be honest.
Since we’ve found our new church, though, it has been such a blessing. I feel we’ve found a new kind of family there, and I’m thankful for the different qualities and priorities they hold. God had us at our old church for a season, and for good reasons; it was just time for us to move on, and He has blessed our obedience through that.
All that to say, this year has held some wild changes- all of them good, because the Lord is working through them. If there’s anything I’ve learned this year, through all the unknowns and changes, both circumstantial and emotional, it is that God is faithful. He’s brought us this far, so why do we doubt that He will continue to carry us forward?
And this year is still not over! So, there could be more changes between now and the new year- who knows!? Man, that would be wild.
So, that’s my 2019 in a nutshell. A little crazy, a bit unexpected, but so good.
I’m so thankful.
And I eagerly anticipate all the Lord is going to do in 2020.
Thank you so much for reading, and Merry Christmas to you all.