My Reading List | April through June 2022
Hello, everyone:)
We are back with another book update, and I’m excited to share these titles with you all!
You are going to notice a theme in this quarter’s reading- relationships and marriage and family content have been top-of-mind recently. While these topics are ones I’m consistently interested in, as it’s important to gather knowledge and information to prepare for future seasons of life, I don’t typically read so many in such close proximity. Not all “relationship books” are created equal, but these ones are good because they’re not “self-help” books (they’re “what does the Bible have to say about this?” books). I will say, I think I need some fiction now to cleanse my mental palette a bit- just a matter of picking something.
These were all read cover-to-cover and are all books I would recommend depending on the content you’re looking for. These last few months have been ones of much growth for me… I’m learning a lot about expectations, my own feelings and thought-patterns (and recognizing that I have to be able to articulate those things before I can hope to correct or apply them), how my life experiences have influenced all of this and how I need to be working to conform any fears (however subtle) to the Truth of God’s Word and trust Him in new situations and relationships….my overthinking mind has been working overtime, but this too is something I’m always working to surrender to the Lord. All that to say I think these books have been beneficial in providing clarity and encouragement, and I hope that if you read any of them that you experience the same sentiment.
Not Yet Married | Marshall Segal
You guys. This book is fantastic. I’ve read my fair share of books on singleness and dating, and this one outshines them all.
The first thing that stood out to me was that this book is more about God than it is about me. Segal explains in the introduction (which is a spectacular introduction, if you don’t have the time to read the entire book):
“This is a book for not-yet-married people that’s not mainly about marriage, or even dating. I set out to write a book for not-yet-married men and women about God, and about our role in His world. Instead of being mainly about do’s and don’ts and not yet, the book is meant to inspire and deploy single you with what God has for you now…I wrote about singleness and dating, because the most important things I learned in singleness and dating were not about dating or marriage. They were about life and God, about finding real purpose and real satisfaction deeper than any romance.”
pg. 15
This book is written in two sections, singleness and dating. And in both, Segal provides practical, Biblical application on how to steward this season well, and taking this time to prepare well for future relationship. This time being unmarried is an incredible opportunity to prepare for a marriage and household well on practical levels in all areas of life; it’s also the time to do the hard heart-work in yourself to equip yourself for that responsibility. He provides helpful clarity regarding the opportunities in singleness, the true purpose of marriage, setting physical and emotional boundaries, involving your community in your relationships (family, church body, friends), and finding our Truth and peace within the pages of God’s Word- and the very necessary reminder that we all will not in fact be married this side of eternity, and that that is okay and just as much a gift as if we were. You don’t find empty encouragement on conveying a false sense of contentment while single and waiting to find someone to marry, or half-hearted reminders to just try really hard not to touch each other too much while dating…
Even just a couple years ago I probably would’ve been rolling my eyes while reading this because I didn’t understand as well as I do now the importance of waiting well, of working on myself and my heart and my faith, of taking responsibility for my own actions and working to foster the qualities and knowledge in myself that I expect to see in a potential spouse someday. I have a lot more to say on this, but that’s coming in a separate blog post.
When You Rise Up | R.C. Sproul Jr.
A short and easy read, I quite enjoyed this book. Sproul Jr. is outlining and arguing for Christian parents to be homeschooling their kids- which should be different than simply doing “school-at-home”. He outlines the various components of why this is and how it will look, as well as breaks down some common arguments against homeschooling. He offers that the goal of education, especially within Christian homes, is to raise God-glorifying children, and that happens through teaching them, through life and through conversation, the things of God, before any other skill or subject- because it’s what matters eternally, and will build and sanctify character. As parents, you are a steward of your child and their heart and mind, and it’s your responsibility to raise and guard them- this is rarely done sufficiently when the responsibility to teach is delegated to non-believing state-educators.
While I am obviously not a parent yet, I look forward to that time if the Lord allows me to have kids, and I do plan on homeschooling them. I am hoping to learn and prepare myself for that now, by reading resources like this (and others you’ll see in future book posts) and gaining the skills- practically and relationally- to teach well.
Reforming Marriage | Douglas Wilson
This book was a pretty quick read, but I feel that I need to go through it again to make sure I didn’t miss anything (I went through the first half again, FYI). I’ve read a handful of books by one Wilson or another, and have enjoyed them all.
In this book, Wilson outlines the theology of marriage, headship and authority and the roles of husbands and wives, but he also discusses the different expressions of love that should be found within a home and how those will vary with each person. I really appreciated the chapter where he discusses “keeping short accounts” in terms of confessing sin, asking for forgiveness and correcting the situation/making things right. He emphasizes that this will allow the fellowship between husband and wife to remain whole and steady, reminding readers that unity is the center of the marriage relationship- you are on the same team, and so have the same goals; if one person is struggling, both are; if one is thriving, really everyone is; we need to adjust our mindsets from one of scarcity and taking sides to one of abundance and team effort.
The second thing that really stood out to me was the discussion about the authority a man holds in marriage and it’s relation to husbandry, the careful management of resources, stewardship. The idea that being a husband is more than simply a title, but it is a responsibility and a role that requires attention, nurture, management, leadership, care, the list goes on…it isn’t a passive task, to put it simply. (We are most familiar with this term being used in regard to animal husbandry. A solid image, if you ask me.) And that men will better thrive in this role when wives are willing to submit and thrive in their own role; living by God’s design will allow both individuals and couples to flourish. Within this idea readers see the need for each person to take certain responsibility for themselves: that your own obedience to the Word is not dependent on your spouses obedience; that when it comes time to confess sin, you are to confess your own rather than those of your spouse. I think this is an important concept because too often we focus on finding/creating the “right” person to be with rather than becoming a right, good, or mature person ourselves.
What He Must Be | Voddie Baucham Jr.
This will have been the second time I read through this book, and I think I gleaned more from it this time around. If you aren’t familiar with Voddie Baucham, I’d highly recommend looking him up on Youtube or reading through any of his books (his title Fault Lines is fantastic).
Though this is written from a father’s perspective, the content is beneficial for anyone- parents, children, singles, pastors. The basic premise of the book walks through what a young man must be, based on Biblical principles, before he would be considered qualified and prepared to marry.
The four main roles he must be able to fill, as a Christian himself and seeking to marry a Christian woman, are those of prophet, priest, provider, and protector. Baucham expands on these roles, as well as the responsibility fathers have in aiding their daughters in finding a suitable husband. I agree with most all of the points and arguments made throughout the book in terms of principle, but I will say there are just a couple that I can think of that may not play out clearly in actual life application (depending on age, family dynamics, various life circumstances; ie. they would work better for a teenager still living under her parents’ roof, than they might for someone in their mid- late-20s with a parent who isn’t present in daily life).
This is a really solid book if you’re needing guidance on what to be looking for in a mate for yourself, or trying to guide someone else in the process. Highly recommend.
Let Me Be a Woman | Elisabeth Elliot
Wow I really love this book. I’ve been waiting to read it for a while now, waiting for a copy to come in to the bookstore where I work. This is the second book of Elisabeth Elliot’s that I’ve read (the first being Passion and Purity, which I share about in this blog post from last summer), and I quite enjoyed it.
“We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.”
pg.43
A compilation of notes and letters written to her daughter Valerie in the time approaching her wedding/marriage, this book focuses on understanding true femininity and what it means to be a woman from the Biblical standpoint.
I really appreciate that while she touches on how women are different from men, this is not a book about what men should be or should be doing or how we can fix them or change them- it’s about who we are as women created by God, with a specific design and purpose, and what we should be and should be doing. I’m learning lately the truth behind the idea of working on “being the right person rather than finding the right person”, and this was helpful in understanding that better; I can only work on myself and my understanding and my behavior, it’s not my job to shape or correct or alter someone else’s.
“You marry a man, not a woman. Strange how easy it seems to be for some women to expect their husbands to be women, to act like women, to do what is expected of women. Instead of that they are men, they act like men, they do what is expected of men, and thus they do the unexpected. They surprise their wives by being men and some wives wake up to the awful truth that it was not, in fact, a man that they wanted after all. It was marriage, or some vague idea of marriage, which provided the fringe benefits they were looking for- a home, children, security, social status…”
pg. 73
A plain fact simply stated, yet it is very profound. As I am learning what my role and responsibility is as a woman, and will be in the future as a wife, and how that is different than mens’, I found this book timely, refreshing, and encouraging. I will definitely be rereading, thumbing through it, jotting down quotes, and meditating on some of the concepts more. Highly recommend.
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth | Ina May Gaskin
This book is so cool. I saw it mentioned by a mom I follow on Instagram, and then the next day a copy came into the bookstore where I work, so I had to grab it. Very informative, and one that I will reread in the future when I am preparing for childbirth myself (Lord willing). If you are interested in learning about the various facets of a holistic and natural lifestyle, this is a great resource. It’s written by one of the nation’s leading midwives (I don’t think she is still practicing, but her team and birthing community is still running in Tennessee. You can learn more about it here), and offers great stories, and science, surrounding the choice to give birth outside the modern medical model and without intervention.
One idea that is repeated throughout this book is that modern medicine has scared people- women- into feeling as though pregnancy and birth are an illness, a problem to be solved and something that just happens to them (ex. going to the hospital-where sickness is treated, receiving high doses of synthetic hormones and drugs, having to birth within a restricted timeframe and in unnatural positions, receiving interventions that would be mostly unnecessary in any other environment). Alternatively, the mindset advocated in the holistic model is that pregnancy and birth are natural and powerful experiences that the female body was created and perfectly equipped to handle; the female body is built to nurture life and birth it, with it’s intricate hormonal actions/reactions during labor and flexible anatomy.
Labor isn’t something we need to fear. Our perspective toward labor and birth greatly affect the body’s response to the process- slowing labor down or speeding it up, opening and softening the lower body or constricting it and reverting progress. Mind over matter. Too often we forget that the thoughts running through our heads and the words coming out of our mouths produce a real physiological reaction. An accurate understanding of labor can be of great benefit during an experience like childbirth; or the modern anxiety a real hindrance.
The Holiness of God | R.C. Sproul
“Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.”
~John Calvin (as quoted in the cover page of chapter four, The Trauma of Holiness, pg. 57 in this paperback).
This is the second time I’ve read through this book- we had a ladies group going through it at our church- and I enjoyed it with fresh eyes.
If you’re looking to study the attributes of God, this is a fantastic place to start, as God’s holiness- while it is a characteristic in and of itself- undergirds all of His other attributes:
“But when the word holy is applied to God, it does not signify one single attribute. On the contrary, God is called holy in a general sense. The word is used as a synonym for His deity. That is, the word holy calls attention to all that God is. It reminds us that His love is holy love, His justice is holy justice, His mercy is holy mercy, His knowledge is holy knowledge, His spirit is holy spirit.”
pg. 48
Next month, our ladies group is going through Chosen by God (also by Sproul), which I have also read once before. I love Sproul’s teaching/writing style because he takes what can be very complex concepts and presents them in a really easy-to-follow way without stripping the value from the information. This book is definitely one that I need to make sure I read once every year or two.
Lasting Love | Alistair Begg
After finishing this book, I appreciate the subtitle more than I did at first glance: “How to Avoid Marital Failure”. Initially, it sounded kind of…well, negative. But now I can see why this holds a better mindset than so many books that claim they will help improve your marriage/relationship without reminding you of how and why it will end if you don’t take preventive action.
This isn’t just a “how to avoid divorce” book. Rather, Begg presents the components of a Biblical marriage, the roles of husband and wife, and then offers practical information to equip couples to not only fulfill their responsibilities now, but also protect against the many things that work to destroy a marriage. Scripture is the basis of his reasonings and perspective, as it should be; too often we are looking to society for insight into how to navigate relationships. In the Introduction, Begg writes, “Too many believers succumb to the devil’s lies and are better acquainted with social fads and self-help theory than with what the Bible has to say about marriage” (pg. 19).
The chapter titles do a nice job of summarizing the contents: 1. When Marriage Doesn’t Go According to Plan (discusses the original design for marriage and how we should never hold the attitude of “that will never happen to me”.); 2. Before We Say “I Do” (the chapter most relevant to single individuals, discusses thoughts and questions to think about when considering the prospect of marriage, as well as qualities to look for in a potential husband or wife); 3. Sealed with a Vow (discusses the components involved in traditional wedding vows, what they mean and why they matter); 4. The Role of a Wife (walks through the components of Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, which outline characteristics of a godly wife and mother and why we must adhere to these rather than ideas rooted in the modern feminist agenda); 5. The Role of a Husband (focuses on the roles of husbands outlined in 1 Peter 3, as well as the role of fathers specifically in regard to Ephesians 6:4 and the pieces involved in raising children in the Lord); 6. Pulling Weeds (addresses handling the small issues in marriage before they become the big issues; communication is the key to all the “weeds” spoken of in this chapter); 7. Planting Hedges (preventive practices that can be established to protect the marriage and home from outside threats).
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