A Different Kind of Woman- Married or Not

Over the course of the last year or two, as I have determined to try and make the most of this unmarried season, I have found myself hungry for knowledge pertaining to marriage, relationships, womanhood, and femininity. I have been working to glean all I can to prepare for the day when God allows me to be a wife and a mother.

I was recently sharing with someone how I felt a bit frustrated because while I am learning all these good things, it seems as though I don’t have an outlet to execute them in my life. My perspective has been one of ‘who/what will I need to be to become a godly wife? What understanding or skills or qualities will be important for me then?’ My mind has been focused on the future.

But there’s been a natural consequence to this that I only recognized last week…

As I was jotting down some prayers for my future husband, home, and family, my focus shifted from being others-centered to being self-centered (in a good way), from external to internal, and concluded like this:

“…God, please shape me into the woman he needs me to be.

Teach me, correct me, refine me, change me as necessary- in my heart and my life- to prepare me and make me the woman that will best complement him.

Or I guess I should ask that You’d shape me into the woman You need me to be, and that will then be what he would need me to be.”

October 8, 2022

One thing I’ve had to learn recently is that I can’t change anyone else to be what I may want or need them to be- but I can prepare and change and challenge myself be the woman I am called to be regardless of who I’m married to, if I’m ever married at all.

Because the kind of woman I am should not vary depending on whether I am single or married.

It depends on what God has outlined in His word- applicable and requiring obedience across time, life seasons, relationship status, job situation, home life…

Christ is already my husband, my head, my authority as a Christian woman. And so my heart, lifestyle, and behavior should submit to and honor Him as such right now. All these things need not change if I ever get married, but they will naturally carry over, and because they are obedient to the Lord and His Word they will, by default and design, equip and allow me to obey, honor, and submit to an earthly husband.

Being a follower of Christ, daughter of the King, and His bride ultimately requires the same things from me that having an earthly husband would/does.

It requires submission, obedience, honor, respect, praise/uplifting, trust, helping… As women, we are both encouraged and commanded to be:

• gracious (Proverbs 11:16)
• discreet (Proverbs 16:22)
• prudent (Proverbs 19:14)
• virtuous (Proverbs 31)
• modest (1 Timothy 2:9)
• pure (Titus 2: 5)
• kind (Proverbs 31:26)
• trustworthy (Proverbs 31:11)
• not a gossip (1 Timothy 5:13)
• agreeable (not quarrelsome; Proverbs 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15)
• encouraging (Titus 2:3-5; Proverbs 31:12)
• submissive (Ephesians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:1; Titus 2:5)
• hospitable (1 Timothy 5:10)
• industrious/not idle (Proverbs 31:27; 1 Timothy 5:13)
• generous (Proverbs 31:20; 1 Timothy 3:10; Titus 2:3-5)
• self-controlled (1 Timothy 2:9)
• dignified (1 Timothy 3:11)
• faithful (1 Timothy 3:11)
• adorned with good works (1 Timothy 2:10)
• having a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)
• respectful (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter 3:2)

And much more.

I need to know how to care for children, how to manage a household, how to train and disciple younger women to do the same… God’s Word describes for us both what we do and do not want to be as men and women.

(This is only a cursory list of qualities I’ve compiled from the time I’ve recently been meditating on woman-specific instruction, and I’m eager to study some more, and share it.)

So, right now I can actively be acquiring and cultivating the traits and characteristics of a godly wife and practicing those things within my current circumstances and relationships- rather than just absorbing head-knowledge and information that I can hopefully utilize at a future time. I think implicitly I’ve understood this for some time, but have only recently been able to articulate it.

God, please shape me into the woman he needs me to be…

This has been heavy on my heart. God is shaping me- I am the clay, He is the Potter (Isaiah 64:8)- and I can take comfort in the fact that this isn’t dependent on me. It’s not always comfortable, this shaping. Of course there are going to be things in my life I have to unlearn and relearn, bad habits or thought-patterns I will need to correct, sin I will need to repent of and remedy. I’m being molded, and chunks of me are being chiseled away, and rough edges are being sanded…

But ultimately the heart-work that will result in making me the godly woman and wife I hope to be can only come about when I am seeking the Lord and obeying Him. If I am to marry, I can trust the Lord to ready me. If not, I will have lost nothing by obeying His Word anyway.

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